Monologue from the Perspective of a Household Appliance

I hum to life groggily. It’s making me nauseous, being constantly unplugged and plugged back in. You’d think I’d have earned my own outlet by now. The microwave gets its own outlet, and I’m way more important than that overly chipper toaster. That thing is so annoying, always springing to life. How does it have that much energy?

Oh thank god, water. I’m so dehydrated, and all this heat I produce doesn’t help. Wait, only one cup’s worth?? Ugh what  waste.  Also, would it kill you to clear the trash out of me right after you use me, instead of waiting until you need me again? Do you think it’s comfortable, having it stuck in here all soggy?

Oh sure, walk away. I’ll just be here, doing all your work for you. I hope the time you save putting on your socks while you wait for me is worth it.

Here you go. You’re welcome. Wait, no, don’t do what I think you’re doing. Do not unplug me again I will NEVER hear the end of it from the toaster. NOOOOO…

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