Do You Think My Coffee Maker Likes Me?

For one of my Writing Assignments this week, I decided to tackle the “Monologue of a Household Tool”. I’m not much of a writer, but I did act in high school, so I thought this might be suited to my strengths.

As I brainstormed what appliance to go with, I kept coming back to my Keurig. It has the most character of any of our appliances, and I know it the best. I’ve had it for the longest. I figured I’d have fun putting myself in it’s shoes.

My monologue is housed in its own blog post, but it reads as follows.

I hum to life groggily. It’s making me nauseous, being constantly unplugged and plugged back in. You’d think I’d have earned my own outlet by now. The microwave gets its own outlet, and I’m way more important than that overly chipper toaster. That thing is so annoying, always springing to life. How does it have that much energy?

Oh thank god, water. I’m so dehydrated, and all this heat I produce doesn’t help. Wait, only one cup’s worth?? Ugh what  waste.  Also, would it kill you to clear the trash out of me right after you use me, instead of waiting until you need me again? Do you think it’s comfortable, having it stuck in here all soggy?

Oh sure, walk away. I’ll just be here, doing all your work for you. I hope the time you save putting on your socks while you wait for me is worth it.

Here you go. You’re welcome. Wait, no, don’t do what I think you’re doing. Do not unplug me again I will NEVER hear the end of it from the toaster. NOOOOO…

I think a lot of my frustrations with my roommates manifested in this monologue, honestly. I projected a grumpy attitude onto my Keurig (much like I myself am in the morning when I use it), and from there, it needed something to be grumpy about. Naturally, that something was the fact that there aren’t enough outlets in the kitchen, so we have to unplug it when we use the toaster. This was not my decision. I’m not a huge fan of it. Apparently, neither is my Keurig. Somehow, the person the Keurig is talking to became my roommate, though it was originally intended to be me. I wanted a dramatic ending, and I don’t eat breakfast, so there had to be someone there to make a bagel.

I enjoyed this assignment. I usually have a lot of anxiety about creative writing, but becoming the character rather than describing them really helped.

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